Jesus Crack Gave Me A Pabst Blue Ribbon

I was about to walk into 7-11 to buy a beer when a lady friend of mine texted me. So I stopped to quickly reply. While I was thinking of some corny ass cutsey thing to type, a very homeless and "cracky" looking Jesus character walked up to me and said, "Hey, how's it going?" Slightly concerned that it was just another drug solicitation, I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Fine, I guess." He then began to explain that he JUST wants to get 8 hours of sleep. He pointed to his dirty white comforter and told me that this isn't enough to stop the cold at night. I said, "I'm sorry to hear that, dude. You should try to find a shelter or something." He laughed and muttered something about shelter workers not liking him. I couldn't really make out this part of his conversation. But I did however, understand quite clearly what he said next, "Would you like a beer?" At first I was a little embarrassed that I was considering taking the beer from Cracky Jesus. But then he said, "Yeah this guy just gave me this bag of beer and three of these will do me JUST fine." I look down to see four 24oz cans in a bag. At which point he reaches in the bag and presents one 24oz can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. I thought to myself "Thank you Jesus!" But then I thought why me? What did I do to deserve his kindness. Could it be that this really was the spirit of Jesus incarnate??? But then I thought if it was then he would have given me a Heineken. I said thanks and drank the hell out of that beer! The End






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Space and Time

Space and time is a such a beautiful concept. Every decision you make can change the course of your life for the better or for the worse. How important is this idea of countless possibilities; endless opportunities for your life. Are you always on time or are you always late? How do you classify the things that you JUST couldn't foresee happening? Was it a blessing? Was it luck? Are you cursed? If you were early would that thing still happen? Or did you miss out on something else? You can't really be concerned with the things you're not connecting with. JUST stay focused on the now and remember to bob, weave, and roll with the punches. And speaking of punches; A FUCKING BIRD SHITTED ON MY HAND THIS MORNING. I WANTED TO EAT THAT MOTHERFATHER! ONE FOOT TO THE RIGHT AND THAT HO WOULD HAVE MISSED ME! 5 SECONDS EARLIER OR LATER AND IM IN THE CLEAR. SPACE AND TIME IS A BITCH FOR REAL!!!







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generation DEGENERATION

About a week ago I witnessed someone pissing next to a row of homeless people sleeping against a wall. Peaceful and serene they laid there preparing to act as a levee for some asshole. I couldnt resist the urge to reprimand him. As his friends were laughing, I yelled at him “HEY THATS HILARIOUS!!” Then I got serious with him and asked him why he would piss next to those people like that. He said “I had to piss.” I called him a degenerate and explained how nasty and disgusting that was. He suggested I should stop talking to him. I replied as long as I can see you I’m going to continue speaking and educating your dumb ass. And then it happened. I referred to his immediate need for relief as some bitch ass degenerate ass shit to do. OK now he wants to fight. “REALLY?! Did you really just call me a bitch?” he repeatedly asks. I’m quiet at this point. His friend implores me to just walk away because I apparently “don’t want it.” I emphatically inquire “I DON’T WANT WHAT?!” In the midst of intense eye contact and the redundant query of my blatant verbal emasculation, I think to myself this really isn’t worth it. Do I really want to streetfight with three 25 year olds. Not really. You know what? I apologized and reiterated in my conclusion that he should join the rest of civilization and rise up to an equitable standard of morals fit to be apart of the human race.

A Pseudo Pusher Potboiler

Sooo... I'm sitting at a table outside of It's A Grind coffee shop. This 50 year old man walks up to me and says, "I don't mean to disrespect ya but do you know where I can get a twenty?" I said "No." He says, "Ok... (sigh) sorry." I felt really bad for him. You know... if a man wants some meth or crack he should be able to get it. THIS IS AMERICA DAMN IT! But seriously I've never sold drugs and it sucks when people see me and ask me that dumb ass shit. I guess I need to improve my wardrobe or just move to a better area. One where the folks don't ask you for drugs unless they've gotten them from you before. Or maybe its because I'm Black. Hmmm... aint no changing that.



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